Main Menu

 

Alternative Viewing:

Very Alternative Viewing:

Read All About It...

 
 

All Headlines below are the property of Fark.Com

  • Man woven into a blanket Workers claim company fabricated job safety
  • Cocaine disguised as water in shipment of tropical fish Fish too stoned for comment
  • In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man still has very limited depth perception
  • Which is worse: being convicted of indecent exposure, or having your wife testify that your erection is not visible from 35 feet away?
  • Web site 'MikeHuntSoftcom' sued by porn company Details at 11
  • Ctrl + Alt + Del inventor retires after 28 years at IBM, reportedly going home to crash
  • Fire breaks out on teacher's desktop Heat causes fish bowl on desk to explode, water puts out the fire Fish OK
  • Man awarded $850,000 after doctor operates on wrong side of brain; has half a mind to appeal the ruling
  • Costumed Disney World employee ran over by float, killed during parade Disney spokesperson attributes incident to goofy mistake
  • Thieves steal safe containing only bar owner's denture cream Now have grip on reality
  • Four men fined $300 for stealing testicles from bull statue "They had some balls," prosecutors allege
  • Man drinks his own urine as "alternative medicine" to cure rheumatism - socialized medicine scares the piss out of him
  • Gambling addicts self-help website plagued with pop-ups for casinos Elvis Costello to release two albums at same time, one for each fan
  • Thieves penetrate car trunk to lift large packet of sex toys Victim not tickled
  • Country stars launch their own brands of food Dolly Parton's melons sure to be a big seller
  • DEA agent shoots self in leg during gun-safety class for kids
  • The Donald getting married for the third time In a shocking twist, she's a no-talent, gold-digging model
  • Man shot outside Copacabana night club, Lola unavailable for comment
  • Son accidentally shoots mother while showing her the new laser- targeting device on his gun
  • Man dies after falling out of Superman Six Flags ride Fall speed reported at "Faster than a speeding bullet"
  • Protons take note: Dalai Lama urges positive spin
  • Stoners too stoned to get off their asses and show up for "cannabis festival"
  • Viagra makers hard-up to penetrate the radio advertising market, need to repeatedly thrust their advertisements down the throats of consumers
  • Cow swallows 132 pounds of plastic Her milk comes out prepackaged
  • Car thieves break off radio antenna thinking it will disable the car's GPS tracking system, but just get lousy reception on their way to jail
  • Man slips Xanax into co-worker's coffee because she's "too hyper" Switching her to decaf apparently never occurred to him
  • Silicone airbags may be the wave of the future Dolly Parton unavailable for comment
  • Clinton submits 900-page memoir to editors, only 300 of which were stuck together
  • Alaskan ferry hits reef while traveling through Peril Strait Peril Strait, not being obvious enough, to be renamed Imminent Danger Bay
  • Levitra takes on Viagra in the UK's latest Battle of the Bulge
  • Journalist goes on McDiet and actually loses McPounds McCholesterol is another McStory
  • Traffic flow goes to crap after truck full of toilets overturns
  • Baby born half-deaf after mother blares educational tapes against her stomach in hopes of birthing child genius
  • Students ask school board to improve sex ed classes, saying watching Three Stooges movies and coloring isn't getting it done
  • Geologists find crater under Chesapeake Bay, likely caused by Ted Kennedy falling off pier in drunken stupor
  • Bank advises clients to have more sex Customers' interest is rising
  • Bill Clinton admits to being unfaithful to Hillary In other news, pope admits to crapping in woods, Smokey the Bear admits to being Catholic, Bush admits to being stupid
  • Restaurants in China find that they can make soup more popular by putting opium in it
  • Naturally decaffeinated coffee plant discovered Cure for cancer delayed while scientists try to wake up in the morning
  • Nearly three million dollars worth of drugs -- including 559 pounds of marijuana -- are missing from the Memphis Police Department's evidence room In other news, donut shops in Memphis report brisk business
  • Woman wins $10 million in lottery, suffers heart attack because of the constant barrage of calls and letters begging for money
  • Two bombs go off in Turkey, feathers everywhere
  • Inventor of ASCII code, the Esc key and the Backslash dies 82 73 80
  • Spam to be eliminated in 2 years, get you penis enlarged before it's too late
  • Nigeria arrests 500 email scammers Nation's GNP drops 50 percent
  • Milk may protect against colon cancer In related news, US Dairy Association announces a whole new breed of disgusting "milk moustache" billboards
  • Don't use a sledgehammer to extract gunpowder from shotgun shells
  • Bobby Fischer detained at airport in Japan Insists he's just a pawn and that he's getting rooked
  • Vietnamese boy killed by mousetrap Stuart Little surrenders to police
  • Man calls female owner of lost parrot and offers to return it in exchange for sex No comment from the parrot
  • Man invents giant eight-foot-tall beer can Sadly, the emphasis is on the "can" rather than the "beer"
  • Houston's 100 highest-paid executives At no 16, JW Stewart, President and CEO of "BJ Services Co" In other news, Monica Lewinsky applies for internship
  • Kraft food company has scrapped plans to illuminate Germany's highest mountain -- they were hoping to raise awareness of its efforts to promote nature conservation
  • NHL player pleads guilty to murder for hire Will receive a five- minute major and a game misconduct
  • McDonald's frozen yogurt parfait, now with marijuana Hamburgular sought for questioning
  • Man imitates Wile E Coyote: Flattened by own steamroller
  • Teen with cross-burning hobby "accidentally" lights up a piece of cardboard near a small garbage can filled with gasoline
  • Nader submits 5,400 signatures to get on Michigan ballot, 24,600 short of the requirement Michigan Republicans then submit 43,000 signatures on his behalf
  • TV networks are going to devote to six hours to conventions, one- tenth the time we devote to choosing an "American Idol"
  • In a shocking turn of events, the most recent session of Congress has been called "unproductive"
  • 'No U.S. president has ever made genocide prevention a priority and no U.S. president has ever suffered politically for his indifference to its occurrence."
  • Trainee rabbi dismembered by 'rent boy type' after night in the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar
  • Three items you don't want to read in an article: phlebotomy, double barreled syringe, and poorly trained staff
  • "Missing" thermo-nuclear bomb may have been found. In other news, there are missing hydrogen bombs
Top